Finding My Niche in this World...

Last night, I picked up the book "Hearing is Believing: How Words Can Make or Break Our Kids", and was amazed at what I read.  It was exactly the point I was trying to make in my last blog post.  Let me quote it: 

"The best way to satisfy the urge to belong is to come up with some unique 

contribution or carve out some meaningful role that benefits [society] 

while still honoring our personal moral principles. Those who do this 

are often rewarded with acceptance. "

The book goes on to say that many of us were raised to be externally-directed. Meaning we look to others for approval and for the standard and way in which we should live.  This creates a big problem because in a society like that, we are all competing for the same things.  By becoming self-directed and teaching our children to live like that, we begin to find our unique niche in the world. This creates more self-confident, moral human beings to say the least.

So now I'm again lost.  Should I try to pull out my unique niche from what I already have, or should I try something new, like cooking?  I'm again overwhelmed by the plethora of options in my life. So much so that I'm just standing still in a state of confusion.  What is my niche?  How can I find it?  I tend to over think things, so maybe that's what I'm doing again here.  I can't remember who said it, but there is a quote that fits well here: "Do one thing, and do it well."

But what is MY thing!?!  Growing up my passion was dance. I was a dancer, and I did it well. As time went on, things got screwy, and I never followed my dancing dreams.  I wanted to travel the world, dancing, and learning new types of dance.  Somehow that got lost. I still love to dance, but now I see it as a dead end.  I feel like I've passed that window in which I could dance.  I'm 29, too old, I feel, to be a dancer.  My passion for it has waned.  Now what?  I honestly can't think of something that I feel as passionately about as I did about dance.  

I love my family unconditionally, but, in contemplation, maybe I haven't put that passion in to it that I should have.  Maybe the words of "mother" and "wife" strike some subconscious bad chord within me.  I get so angry if anyone calls me a housewife.  "I own a business", I shout unnecessarily. The modern woman in me is fighting these roles.  But isn't that what I've always wanted?  Growing up with two brothers and a sister, I was the little mother.  I copied my mom, and took care of the little ones.  It's still the negative stereotype of housewife that I just don't want.  If I throw my passion into these roles, how will I be perceived? Which brings us back to the original topic, am I living externally-directed or am I living self-directed? Maybe if I throw myself into these roles, my niche will emerge on its own.  Maybe my niche, is just that, passionate, devoted mother and wife.  I still cringe at the words...

I welcome all feedback.  Please email at paranoidmom29@gmail.com